Stalk, much?

I have to admit. I'm a bit of a stalker. (please don't judge)

I haphazardly happened upon a person's identity who may (or may not) have taken a position I interviewed for last year. Once I stumbled upon that person, it was not even a question of whether or not I should... I just did look up another position for a completely different company I interviewed for. It felt weird trying to figure out and look up these random people. Finding out things about them and seeing photos of them. But I felt justified in knowing that they were in some way "better" to these companies, these hiring managers, than I was (at the time... *smirk*).

Google yielded me the regular social media and networking sites. I weighed their qualifications and could see how they may have appeared to be better than me. Of course who knows how they interviewed. I didn't necessarily wow the socks off of anyone.

I have to admit, it was a little like finding past boyfriends and comparing yourself to the women they married. You have a critical eye and believe you're getting somewhere with your actions. But once the evaluation is done, you don't feel any better about yourself.

Perhaps I should start my New Year's Resolutions early and vow to never look back. Do people really accomplish that feat?

Contentment

I am where I am right now due to all of the choices and decisions made in my past and where I will go will for the most part depend on all of the planning I have completed for the future.

While I do not take my current situation for granted, I am not as content as I think I could be. The true definition for me of unhappiness is thinking there is a place better than the one you're in. I never planned to have my life the way it is now and perhaps that's why it is the way it is now.

I work hard. I am a nice person. I don't take huge risks. I have grown to believe in myself. I am independent. I don't know when I will be able to relax and be content with my life. It just is. And I accept it. It's not better than my father's or my grandfather's life. In many ways, it's actually worse. I feel like they worked in vain trying to make my life better, easier, more "whatever". And I have squandered it by not planning and not knowing. In a way, not caring.

I've made poor decisions by not deciding.

Being paralyzed by fear and rejection, embarrassment and ridicule. From people I don't even like or care about.

I thought my life would be so different than it is now. Ask me how and I don't know the details. I just feel like I am spinning my wheels.

Card Troubles

Well, it's happened. I was sent a notice late last year and now it's taking effect.

My FIA card is charging an annual fee.

I have not gone down peacefully.

I've been on the phone with six (yes, SIX) different "customer service associates"who claim different stories for why my card was even chosen for an annual fee. Some say it's because I don't have accounts with the bank. Some say "someone else makes that decision" and then when I ask to be forwarded to that person or people, they somehow can't figure out where to send me. Some say they have no clue why my card was chosen and side with me on the reasoning that I don't deserve a fee. Still others claim less than 1% of users were chosen to pass extra charges onto. (Lucky ME! I don't win anything except the very best prizes)

They all tell me I will have to close the account to see the fee disappear. Oy vey.

Let's clear some things up, first of all. (this is similar to my nicely phrased rant to all of these "customer service associates":

- I have great credit (okay, not perfect, but nothing absolutely terrible)

- I use this card (as in, all the time)

- I've paid interest in the low double digits on this card since I've had it

- I've had this card for over 10 years (it was one of my very first)

- This card does not offer any benefits (the whole point of an annual fee)

- I don't usually pay this card off every month

- FIA makes more money on my interest each year than they would with my annual fee

I don't want to close this account, because I have a high available balance and a 10 year track record. Differing reports online tell me it won't ding my credit score that badly or it will take a while for any dinging to seriously affect my score. I just don't want to be forced into closing an account.

One service representative tried to break the annual fee down into months and tell me it "isn't really that much". I nearly died. My response was along the lines of: "Well, hey why don't we break it down into days or minutes or even seconds... it's still the same amount per year!!" Are these people really that dense? It's as though she was trying to make me feel stupid for arguing about "so little an amount". Of course, I had to use her own argument against her and said "Well, if it's such a small amount, why do I have to pay it? Why doesn't FIA pay it for me?" To which she daftly replied: "This is our policy on annual fees". I swear I could hear a breeze blow through her brain. She was just that dumb. Or just that bad at customer service.

I just want to WIN. It's not really even about the annual fee, now. It's about breaking them down.

If I cannot win and I have to close this account. I vow to never EVER use FIA again. I got their card when I was young and impressionable (a market they're losing out on now). They dropped me when they didn't care for me anymore (aka: couldn't make enough money off of me). My only move after 'losing' would be to boycott them. For the rest of my wonderful life.

Doubly Bad News

Bad News #1: I didn't get an offer from my last round of interviews. It was slightly confusing, since [I feel] I fit the job description to a tee. Guess not. Perhaps it was an inside deal where someone was already favored. Regardless, the interviews went extremely well and I'm more prepared for the next ones. [crossing fingers that there will be next ones]

Bad News #2: Mint.com is being bought out by Intuit. Story here. The consensus is that they will start charging for the services since Intuit only went gratis since Mint came on the scene. Not good for my pocketbook and not good for my financial planning. I LOVE Mint. It works well with planning financial goals, seeing them achieved, as well as tracking down specific amounts and dates for purchases when I can't find receipts. Really bumming me out right now, Intuit. [adding them to my "list"]

Here's some good news to counter the bad: I was under the impression that I had missed deadlines [for everything] including Cobra, 401(k) disbursement, etc. Not so. The worrying ended today when I finally got through to said people via phone. Also good news to know for the future: I need to file my mail once it comes in, since my ill-knowledge of deadlines and due dates is directly related to that.

Ms. Treated

U.S. News features a wonderful article today on the 5 Ways Companies Mistreat Job Seekers... and I do believe I have experienced each one of these at some point in my short career.

- Having no regard for the candidate's time:
This is such a tip-off of how the relationship will work with your future employer if you are hired. I had one employer ask me a few questions and then drone on and on and on about the firm, the position, the history, etc. I left thinking it went well [and it did because I was offered the job]... but I couldn't help but think it was due to the fact that I was a good listener. I really crave having to prove myself and negotiating for what I think is fair. I guess I left feeling good that the employer enjoyed my company but didn't really know that much about me. Or perhaps the employer had their mind made up even before I came in. Who knows? The employer ended up not knowing that much about me [or taking an interest in me] once I was hired and I still don't consider our work relationship to have been that close.

- Not sharing their timeline:
Frustrating to say the least, this is now one of my many questions at the end of a first interview. I imply that I am very eager to take the position and would like to know where we go from here. The absolute best interviewers will tell you without you having to ask. Again, a really great insight into how your future work relationship will work.

- Refusing to share their salary range, but asking you for yours:
This was the case with my last interview. Even though I researched, I still had no clue where they would land. They inquired as to my last annual salary, and I provided it. I'm really an open person. It's not that I dislike negotiation [it's growing on me]. It's that I don't like lying and the such.

- Misrepresenting the work:
This is by far the worst of all of these. Not only because it's lying [I hate lying!] but also because it's all smoke and mirrors and then you get sucked in and bitter. I've had this happen plenty of times. And while it occurs on the flipside, as well: with potential employees misrepresenting themselves to employers, the employers should know better than to play this game. In this relationship, I see them as the "adult".

- Not notifying candidates that they're no longer under consideration:
As frustrating as not knowing the company's timeline. How can you not send and email, a postcard, even a carrier pigeon? I know, I know, HR managers are busybusy people with busybusy offices and they don't have time. However, I took the time to come in and interview and learn about your firm and the available position. The very least you could do is leave me a message or let me know something.

Rejected

Well I received the dreaded thanks-but-no-thanks email from my first interview of the season. Oh well. It was hard to feel rejected since I didn't think the job environment would be a great match for me after the second interview. But as always, it's always feels better to be offered something than to be rejected. I actually felt let down and then just nothing after reading the email. I'll be honest, I cried. A little. It hurts not to be wanted. But I didn't take it personally. It's just that was my first and only interview so far. And who doesn't want people to like/want/need them?

I'm chalking this one up to a great first exercise. It will prepare me for the heavy hitting interviews I'm expecting in the future.

Someone's Out There!

Success came today in a strange way: I received a rejection letter in the mail. Yes, it was a success because I have generally not been hearing back from anyone I've submitted resumes and cover letters to in this particular sending season ("season" only because it is temporary in my eyes).

I've honestly been depressed about not hearing anything back save for a scant number of automatic responses and confirmations of emails/resumes sent. I've felt like a statistic.

This was a folded letter, addressed to me, signed with a real pen and mailed in a size 10 envelope. The last time I received one of those was early 2000s. The last mailed rejection notice I received was around 2005 and was a flimsy postcard. I felt so jaded. Like on those old movies and sitcoms in big cities where everyone reads your postcards before delivering them, I felt like "everyone in the building" knew that I had been rejected, even though we live in an anonymous world and only the postman knew if he cared enough to read.

This spurred me on to send out six resumes and cover letters that desperately needed to be sent. It's strange what revitalizes me. It's not so much the cause, but the fact that I feel like I have an ounce of new blood in me.

Any feedback is good feedback in my book.