Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Plans vs. Reality (groan)

Wow. It's only 5 days short of a month I've been unemployed. And things look a lot different than I thought they would.

Here was my glorious plan:
- Stay on a rigid schedule of working out every day, cooking a lot, going on several interviews a week and networking.
- Blog everyday. Meh.
- Lose weight.
- Organize workspace/house/closet, etc.
- Figure out my debt situation sooner than later.
- Become incredible by the sheer force of my efforts.

I basically planned to inhabit a productive and self-sufficient person's body/life. Not that I am not that person when I am employed. Once I was unemployed, I became someone else.

Here's what has been happening:
- Staying up later and later each night ... sometime until the dawn
- Waking up feeling hungover, though I haven't drunk anything.
- Getting sucked into old tv shows, websites or movies that I've already seen. It seems I'm addicted to the familiar.
- Not working out.
- Not losing weight; actually gaining some since I'm not as active traversing from my bed to the couch or desk everyday.
- Making no sense of my debt situation. Taking the ostrich approach, with my head in the sand. Just a bit.
- No interest in organizing workspace, etc. since its such a huge task and there's always some other fire to put out.
- Becoming less incredible as my unemployment gap grows.

While working, I had visions of lying in the bathtub every night, rewarding my weary soul (and soles!) from the pavement I pounded each day, sipping wine and just feeling accomplished. Instead, I haven't taken a luxurious bath in months. I still haven't redone my pedicure... and I need to, badly. I am cooking everyday. Eating more at home than ever - without an excuse that I forgot to pack a lunch. But I'm eating more and more frequently with bigger portions... my typical downfall.

I need a jump start. I need to change my day-to-day. I need to make my plans a reality.

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